The Mystery Of Motivation

I was having lunch during one of my recent training workshops with one of the participants. She was lamenting about her two sons who were both in their 20’s. She (Jane) indicated her sons were as different as day and night. One son was an excellent student in high school, played sports, had a great personality and had many friends. He is currently a senior in college and is in the top of his class. He often asks his parents for advice about life and school but, makes his own decisions after careful thought.

The other son, barely made it through high school, had no desire to go to college, and doesn’t last very long at the jobs he has had. He doesn’t have many friends and the friends he does have are low on the meter scale of quality people. He never asks his parents for advice and often makes poor decisions. Jane usually winds up bailing him out of the messes he gets himself into.

Jane was wondering how two sons raised in the same loving way, by the same parents, can be so different. How can one son be so motivated to the positive and the other not? My first thought was “good question.”

Since Jane was asking, I thought I would share some thoughts with her about the “mystery of motivation.” I explained to her that I was a firefighter and not a psychologist. However, I did indicate that perhaps if I were a child psychologist it might be helpful when dealing with firefighters. Only kidding of course.

First off, people are different. Their personalities and their behavior are a product of backgrounds and psychological makeup. I recall a Harvard University study of 61 pairs of identical twins and fraternal twins in grade school. The study found moderate genetic contributions to individual differences in several aspects of activity motivation, reaction time, variety of activity, anxiety, experimental tasks, and interviews.

The study also found that these different genes can skip a generation. When I mentioned this fact Mary perked up. WOW, she said “my son with the difficulty looks and acts like my Dad.” She also added, “interesting because my Son and my Dad don’t get along.”

So, the question is “What determines a person’s personality?” Just about everything. An individual’s personality can’t be merely pigeonholed (as we often try to do) into simple categories. It is unfair and unwise to label people as pleasant or outgoing or friendly, or ill-tempered or unpleasant or suspicious or defensive. An individual’s personality is the sum total of everything the person is today. It is exhibited in many ways; the clothing worn, the hairstyle chosen, the food preferred, the conversation enjoyed or avoided, the manners and gestures used, the methods of thought practiced, and the way situations are handled. All these are important clues, if you are alert enough to detect and interpret them.

Each person is a product of parents, home life, education, social life, peer pressure, prior experiences and genes. Also, each person’s personality is uniquely different from everyone else’s. It results from heredity and upbringing, schooling or lack of it, neighborhoods, work and play experiences, parents’ influence, religion – all the social forces around them. From all these influences, people develop their individuality in a way that enables them to cope with life’s encounters, such as family, work, living together, with success or failure. As a result, personality is the total expression of a unique way in which each individual deals with life. Consequently, when parents deal with their children or supervisors deal with their team members, they are dealing with people who have brought all their previous experiences with them. The parents and the supervisors task then is captured in an old saying, “seek first to understand others before you can expect to be understood by them.”

Like I said previously, “people are different.” Each person is and has a right to be a distinct individual. As a matter of fact, the difference inherent in people or in any work group collectively brings a rich variety of assets to the home and the job.

Next month we will further explore this unique and interesting topic of motivation.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

VIVI BENE–LIVE WELL
RIDI SPESSO–LAUGH OFTEN
E AMA MOLTO–LOVE MUCH