Gordon Graham here again and a Happy New Year to all of you! I have the opportunity to send a monthly contribution to this site and I sincerely appreciate your taking the time to visit the site and read my brief writing.

This time of the year a lot of people (perhaps some of you) will be making New Year’s Resolutions. Some people make all these grand “resolutions” to change the way they behave or eat or drink or whatever and sadly a lot of these “resolute” people “fall off the wagon” quickly, oftentimes within the first few days or the first time the “temptation” is present and they have that drink or that cookie or whatever. Perhaps the behavior they wish to modify is deep seated and it will take more than a couple of “resolutions” to change those long participated behaviors.

So with this in mind, here is a “resolution” that I wish everyone would make and everyone would keep. It is relatively simple and requires no great sacrifice on the part of anyone, yet if everyone did it the world would be a better place to live. Let us all resolve to treat people a bit better during this (and future) new years.

This whole concept of “treating people right” is slowly but surely deteriorating around our great country. Holy Moley! Have I witnessed the deterioration of basic decency in the last five decades! My guess is that many of you have witnessed the same. The simple things taken for granted in years past, are now virtually non-existent. Holding doors open for people near you, saying please and thank you, smiling, properly addressing people, and the like are disappearing rapidly. Many times I meet people outside of my law enforcement profession, and they complain about some cop not treating them right.

My question is “where did the cop learn that behavior?” We did not teach our people how to be rude and uncaring. Like anything else, it is learned long before they come into the profession. And like anything else, identifiable risks can be managed!

Where can I get started on this? When I was a young kid growing up in “Baghdad by the Bay” (for those of you old enough to remember when that was an unofficial name for The City – San Francisco) in the 50’s, I used to ride the bus a lot. And as luck would often dictate, I would get on the bus and get a seat. And as the “muni” (Maybe the M-Car or the 14 Mission) would proceed along the route to downtown it would pick up passengers. And sooner or later there were no seats left. And when the seats were all occupied and an elderly person got on the bus, young kids would stand up and offer their seat. To witness that type of behavior today would be a rare event.

Things were about the same in the 60’s. Dad taught me how to drive circa 1966 (on the hills in SF with a clutch) and he stressed the importance of using the turn signals when changing lanes. I can recall when new cars did not have this handy device. There was a time when you had to actually use the “hand and arm” signals – left arm out the driver side window bent at the elbow pointed down when you were slowing, arm bent at the elbow and pointed up when you were making a right turn and left arm straight out the window when you were making a left turn.

The turn signal changed all that. You had a device that actually indicated which way you intended on proceeding. And there was a time – no joke – that when you used the signal people would slow down and give you a break and let you in front of them. And then you would wave and thank them for their largess, and they would wave back and everyone was waving – and back then it was with all five fingers on the hand.

Those days are also gone. I was honored to teach my son how to drive last year (transferring all the memory markers I have picked up over the last forty years to him) and the best advice I could give him regarding use of the turn signals was to forget what they told him in driver training. “Son, if the lane is open just take it – for if you signal your intent three quarters of these idiots will speed up and not let you in.”

In the 70’s I can still recall people in the grocery store allowing you to get in line in front of them when you only had one item and they had a boatload of stuff. This behavior is virtually non-existent today. I could go on and on and on about the deterioration of basic decency, but I won’t. We have lost many of the foundational traits of dignity and respect.

I could go on about the 80’s and 90’s but my current beef is the lack of cell phone etiquette. If you ever read that I get criminally indicted I can guarantee you that it will not be for malfeasance in office. If I ever get in big trouble it will be for “The Great Cell Phone Murder Case”. I am fed up with fools who are constantly yakking at 100 decibels on a cell phone in a rental car shuttle bus, when airplanes are taxiing, or in restaurants or in CHURCH or common areas in buildings. I read something in “Parade” magazine last month about a “cell phone jamming device” which is apparently illegal but it makes me want one. It might save someone’s life!

I am not smart enough to give you a definitive answer as to why this has happened. I have my suspicions, but nothing definitive. I do know that kids today are not getting the “memory markers” early on in life that are so essential for good behavior in the future. And I know that things have changed dramatically and not for the better.

So what do we need to do? What is the control measure we can have up front to better assure that our people treat people right in future contacts. Simply stated, we must all work within our families and our teams at work to improve the way people are treated. It is critical that we revisit some basic rules of decency.

You have perhaps heard the expression “everything I know I learned in kindergarten”. OK – let’s run with that thought for a bit. Go back to when you were five years old. It doesn’t matter where you were then. Be it Botswana, Bulgaria, Bahrain, Beirut, Boston or Bell Gardens – all of your parents (or grandparents) gave you a lecture when you were a kid that went something like this.

1. Treat people the way you would like to be treated.
2. A smile goes a long way and it is international in nature.
3. If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say it.
4. Listen at least as much as you talk.
5. Don’t make promises you can’t keep, and keep the ones you make.
6. Keep your hands to yourself unless you are required to touch someone.
7. Apologize when you really do make a mistake and try to fix it now.
8. You get more flies with honey than you get with vinegar.

Be nice! Recapping our top story, let’s start at the top of these necessary behaviors.

1. If it were your mom, dad, son, daughter involved in the given event, how would you like them treated?
2. We all have so much to be grateful for so smile just a bit. No matter what your specific problems are they could be a heck of a lot worse.
3. You can turn a good incident (including an arrest or use of force) into a bad one with some stupid comment after the fact.
4. You may have heard the story a thousand times before. Show some courtesy and listen to what is being said and keep your ears open because maybe the involved person will say something you did not expect.
5. If you promise the moon, you better be able to deliver it.
6. Keeping your hands to yourself at all times is a good rule – unless there is a sound business necessity to touch someone.
7. When you are truly at fault in an event – admitting fault, apologizing and trying to fix the problem you caused (or exacerbated) goes a long way on scene and in the future.
8. I don’t know why my grandmother wanted flies, but I get the drift of her comment.

So if you are looking for a “resolution” to make for this New Year of 2008, this one is relatively easy to keep and if everyone did it, it could truly change the world. Thanks for visiting the site and I look forward to seeing you sometime soon. As always, please take the time to work safely.

Gordon Graham

This entry was posted on Monday, January 7th, 2008 at 11:14 am and is filed under FD Training. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.